Me in My own Write
Since you’re reading this you exist and I did as well. As I’m writing this you were miles away, doing anything and everything but thinking about what was on my mind. As you are reading this, I’m miles away from these very thoughts I’m composing. Here is my way to communicate my ideas and self to you through space and time and continue our universal interaction.
If there is one thing I think defines me, it’s my love for blends. Ever since I was a kid I mixed things together to create a hybrid. Chocolate and Strawberry syrup into milk, Chocolate syrup and Coco Crunch and milk, disgusting perhaps but I wanted to break new ground. Growing up, I had an affinity for breaking categories, and becoming excited to see things relate to one another.
Looking back, I feel like I’m looking at old action figures. My favorite action figures were Batman. I had so many types of Batmen, scuba fighting Batman, Satellite batman, Ganges Kahn Tribal Horde Batman, and the list goes on. I went through so many phases to be where I am, that I hardly know what I am. I know people like to believe who they are now, is who they’ve always been. It gives people a sense of personal authenticity, they are legitimately who they are. I wish I were hardcore like that, hardcore the same person I protest to be. But I’m not; I’m not the same kid I was last spring as I am now.
A lot of my social phases coincided with the music I was into at the time. Anyone who knows me knows I love to listen to music and express a certain aspect of myself with almost anything. I don’t claim to know everything about music or different genres, but if I hear something I like I dig it. I went from Jim Morrison (and the Doors, I identified with him more so then the others, who aren’t bad men in their own right), to Pink Floyd, all the way down to the Beatles and Bob Dylan. Every time I tried to embody their messages about life. I’m a teenage Madonna, changing with my current fancy. I believe that is because I try to incorporate so many things, and see how they can relate in the same realm of being. There are days I want to write songs about the constant challenges the everyday person deals with, and I look to Dylan for inspiration. Other days I want to compose odes to God, and I can’t help but thank George Harrison. Some times I want to explore a cosmic understanding of an unlimited universe and I’ll throw Revolver into my CD player. I can’t truthfully say I am one or the other, I can only hope to be the sum of all these influences.
Who I am is also determined by those who are around me. I will start from the head waters, my parents. My parents have always been a paramount factor in my life, and who they are shaped who I am. They two are very well read individuals who hold such a definite understanding of everything. My mother can tell you about complicated cardiology without hesitation, while my father can tell you exactly why the rebels of Chiapas are fighting the Mexican government. They are cosmopolitan intellectuals who never cease to expand their horizons (except when Mom calls Pearl Jam “crap rock”). They are what Nietzsche had in mind when you developed the concept of the Uber Mensche. So growing up around the “Over” parents, I want to be the total amalgamation of so many influences. I just have to look at my parents for inspiration.
I would also say that my friends are big influences on who I am. I learn so much about life from their perspectives and experiences, that a little of who they are lives on in me. My earliest friends were from my days at St. Matthews, and the big three who really shaped me were Matt, Jackson and Allan. Matt was there in the beginning, I showed up after, Jackson followed, and Allan came down the road. I think Matt drew us all together, because it seemed that Allan, Jackson, and I all gravitated toward him. He is an open, embracing, and good guy. If we were a band, he is definitely the leader, and I admire him a lot for that. I always wanted to be Matt, because he was a good guy, he had many friends across the sectional divides, and he was honest. I saw a certain aura of coolness that I desperately wanted to immolate. Jackson came in 4th grade, and he was a heap of trouble. Just kidding, I think he more so pulled me into his realm and he matt and I were good friends. Jackson now is a hilarious, sharp, and defined individual. But I knew the Jackson that was a shy, self conscious little boy with short hair. In the beginning we were even adversaries, I made fun of his name and I remember the last day of 4th grade that we wanted to pound my face in. We grew up together and shared a lot of things. He and I are avid MST3K watchers, love graphic literature, and listen to the same old classic rock. If anyone has noticed the change from boy to man, it would be him for me and me for him. Allan rounded out our group in 6th grade. He was a new kid coming into a social realm that was fiercely institutional. I remember thinking, “who’s this new kid?”. But as the great uniter Matt invited Allan to his sleepover party. Once we got to know him, he was one of us instantly. For three years we became really close, always having music to hold us together. We all went to the same high school, and after awhile grew apart. After graduation, I went to Trinity, Matt and Jackson are at UTSA, and Allan went to school in California. These guys will always be my close friends and real impressions on my life.
In high school I came in with raw materials of my identity, and spent the next four years refining who I am. I played lacrosse, joined a youth group, and even tried my hand at acting. In trying my hand at acting I met a stunning actress by the name of Kellie. She was the best actress of our crew and it seems I made a good impression. Before you know it she and I have become intertwined closer then friends. It’s only a shame we became together this past summer, frittering away the previous fours years of close proximity. She now resides in Austin at the University of Texas.
So far this is where I am. This is my life, and this is who I am now. More is soon to come…, and this is who I am now. More is soon to come……